Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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