those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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