Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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