you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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