Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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