I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
