Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
