Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
