I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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