She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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