come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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