I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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