I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
