a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
