Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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