I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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