a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
