She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
