He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
