we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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