nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
