dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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