im drinking this country out of the recession.
Four minutes until I can fart!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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