3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
