Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
