hell yes lets make some ravioli
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
