i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
