If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
