every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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