It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
