Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
