I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
