I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize