He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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