Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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