I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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