Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
