youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
