watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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