During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
