You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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