I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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