You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
