I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
