p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
