she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
