I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
