i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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