I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
