umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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