i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just gargled with NyQuil
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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