He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
