Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
