If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Houston, we have a blender
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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