is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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