I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
