you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
