i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
