i don't like sucking hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
