party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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