Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
