1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
