i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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