video games are the ultimate cock blocker
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups