I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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