I feel great
I just peed on a car
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
