areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
even my farts smell like vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.