The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure