they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
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the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.