Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens