Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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