i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
