I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
