better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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