you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
