I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize