So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
