I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
